Not Good Enough: The Belief That Fuels Drinking And How Sobriety Heals It
We may not openly discuss this but there’s a belief that lives quietly inside so many of us: I’m not good enough.
When it comes to beliefs like this, they may not even be conscious thoughts but they will then impact how we show up in life and how we allow others to treat us. This belief can even shape the choices that we make and can result in self sabotage or self soothing. For many, alcohol becomes one of those choices because it’s so socially acceptable to do.
I’m not immune to this. I used to think I drank to take the edge off a long day, to be more sociable or just to have fun. But underneath all those surface-level reasons was something deeper. And working in this field for the last few years has lead me to realise I certainly wasn’t alone. It was a quiet hum of self-doubt, a belief that if I didn’t perform, please others, not make a fuss and perfect my way through life, I wasn’t quite enough.
And alcohol helped soothe this feeling… until it didn’t.
This article is for anyone who has ever wondered why they felt this way, why alcohol seemed to help, and why sobriety is actually one of the most radical acts of self-worth you can commit to.
I’ve looked into this in depth and whilst there is no specific percentage or figure for people who are experiencing the belief that “I am not good enough”, my own personal experience in my clinic over the years tells me it’s a high number. So why is that and what does alcohol do to fuel that harmful core belief?
Research and psychological frameworks suggest that it's incredibly common particularly among those with certain life experiences or personality traits to feel like they aren’t good enough and for that to shape their experiences.
Here’s what I found when I researched it for this piece:
A 2019 study by the University of London found that 60% of adults reported experiencing imposter syndrome at some point which is often rooted in the “not good enough” belief.
According to the National Science Foundation, the average person has 12,000–60,000 thoughts per day, and 80% are negative with many linked to self-worth and adequacy.
In a 2020 UK survey by YouGov, 1 in 3 adults said they frequently feel like a failure, particularly in comparison to others.
Perfectionists and people-pleasers are especially vulnerable. Clinical psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff's work on self-compassion shows that low self-worth is prevalent among high-achieving women in particular.
Childhood trauma or inconsistent caregiving is strongly linked to negative core beliefs including “I’m not enough.” According to the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) study, 64% of people have at least one ACE, and these are highly correlated with later struggles around shame, addiction, and low self-worth.
Among those who struggle with alcohol misuse, it's widely acknowledged in therapy settings that underlying beliefs of shame and unworthiness are nearly universal.
Where Does "I’m Not Good Enough" Come From?
Let’s start with the root of it all. The belief that you’re not good enough isn’t something you were born with. It was learned and like most deeply held beliefs, it likely took root in childhood when we are our most sponge like.
Psychologically, we form what are called core beliefs early in life. These are fundamental, often unconscious beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world and these beliefs act like lenses through which we interpret our experiences.