Meet Your Inner Critic: Understanding, Softening, and Rewiring the Voice in Your Head
Today I’m going to be talking about the inner critic and I want to give you some advice and some practical tools to help you deal with him or her. This is following on from Wednesday’s article where I talked about the really unhelpful core belief of not feeling good enough, I wanted to go into more detail on the inner voice that speaks those horrible things to you. I didn’t intend to write more than one piece on this subject but once I started to write, I realised that there is a lot to say. So this is the second in this series of articles to help you with inner critical thoughts that seem to get louder when we go sober because we are no longer numbing them.
One of the most unexpected things about sobriety isn’t just the absence of hangovers or the reclaiming of weekends, it’s what happens in your own head when the noise of alcohol disappears. For me, when I stopped drinking, I expected the external changes: better sleep, clearer skin, even the emotional swings but what I didn’t anticipate was the sudden and relentless volume of my own inner voice that became louder.
And not just any voice.
That critical one.
The one that had always been there, quietly muttering in the background, suddenly seemed to grab a megaphone the minute I went alcohol-free.
No more numbing meant no more muting. And for the first time in a long time, I had to sit with her…my inner critic, and really hear what she had to say.
Who Is the Inner Critic?
I’m sure you’ll identify with this because we all have a version of an inner critical voice. Your inner critic is that voice that says:
“You’re not doing enough.”
“You’re not good enough.” - my last article dealt with this one.
“Why can’t you just get it right?”
“They don’t like you.”
“You should know better by now.”
“You’re too much. You’re not enough. You’re falling behind.”
That voice has endless insults and criticisms to throw our way.
It’s the mental loop that makes you doubt your abilities, second-guess your choices, and replay awkward conversations from ten years ago. The voice that constantly compares you to others, holds you to impossible standards, and whispers that if you were truly loveable or successful, life wouldn’t feel this hard.
For some of us, that voice sounds like a perfectionist, for others, it's more of a shamer. Sometimes, it sounds eerily like a parent, an ex, or a teacher from childhood. And sometimes it’s just... us. It feels like a part of us, shaped by experience, trying to keep us small because it believes small is safe.
Why It Gets Louder in Sobriety
When we remove alcohol, we remove a filter and it can feel like someone turns up the dial on your internal chatter, especially if you have ADHD as well. In fact this internal dialogue can often be the first sign for some people that they may be neurodivergent. Without something to drown it out or distract you, you're left with the raw noise of your thoughts and for many, the loudest among them is the critic.
Before sobriety, maybe you used alcohol to:
Numb self-doubt
Take the edge off anxiety
To switch off fear
To turn off your energy at the end of the day
Push past discomfort in social settings
Escape the constant mental chatter or catastrophising
Without alcohol, the thoughts don’t just go away. In fact, at first, they might get louder. But that’s not a bad thing. It’s actually an invitation because now, finally, we get to hear what’s going on underneath. We get to meet the part of ourselves we’ve been trying to outrun and that’s how change happens.
The Psychology of the Inner Critic
The inner critic isn’t just a personality quirk it’s a product of your nervous system, your environment, and your past as I touched on in the last article. In psychology, this internal voice is often linked to introjected authority figures. That means voices from childhood that you internalised, especially if love, safety, or approval felt conditional. Over time, those voices become part of your own inner narrative.
The critic is often associated with the default mode network (DMN) in the brain which is the part that’s active during rest, self-reflection, and rumination. It’s the part of the brain that fires up when we aren’t focussed on a specific task. I’ve made a note to write more about this in a future piece. When the DMN goes unchecked, it can spiral into overthinking, self-judgment and those harsh internal monologues.
And for those who grew up in environments where fawning, people-pleasing, or perfectionism were survival strategies, the critic developed as a protective part. Its job was to keep us in line and to anticipate rejection. It was all about controlling outcomes by controlling ourselves.
But Here’s the Thing:
Your inner critic isn’t trying to destroy you, it’s actually trying to protect you but it just doesn’t realise you’re safe now.
Understanding the Critic’s Function
In sobriety I really tuned into my inner critic. I had no choice she is a chopsy sod. When I started to really tune into what she was saying, I noticed her favourite times to speak up were:
Just before I hit “publish” on something vulnerable on social media.
After a parenting moment I wasn’t proud of.
If I had to stand up for myself with someone and it felt uncomfortable.
When I was tired, overstimulated or burnt out.
When I was growing, stretching or trying something new.
You’ll see a pattern: she pipes up when you’re vulnerable because vulnerability used to feel like danger.
So the critic steps in like an overbearing manager saying, “Let me toughen you up before the world gets to you first.” Let me get in there and tell you what I think of you so that if someone else does it, then it won’t hurt as much.
The problem? That toughening becomes toxic because the constant criticism doesn’t protect us, instead it paralyses us and over time, it actually ends up eroding our self-trust, confidence and joy. It doesn’t pre-empt and lessen any future hurt, it just hurts us in the now.
Naming and Externalising the Inner Critic
A powerful step in healing is to give the critic a name and character. I know it sounds silly, but bear with me. This is about separating your wise self from the critical voice.
So mine is called Mavis.
Mavis is an old and over bearing woman with glasses on the end of her nose. She judges constantly and is always telling me that I’m not doing it right. She criticises, whines, complains and is just a pain in the arse. She’s impatient but efficient, and she’s really mean but she’s also secretly terrified that if I relax for even a second, everything will fall apart.
By externalising the critic and giving her (or him) a name in this way, you create distance and in engage in metacognition, that ability to step back and challenge our thoughts and not just accept them as truth. You stop automatically believing her every word. You can say, “Ah, there you are again, Mavis,” instead of spiralling into shame. Or my personal favourite “Not today, Mavis!”.
This isn’t about fighting her, it’s about acknowledging her, understanding her, soothing her, and slowly showing her that she doesn’t need to run the show anymore. You are in charge now.
Self-Compassion: The Antidote to Inner Criticism
Dr. Kristin Neff’s work on self-compassion is a beautiful counterbalance to the inner critic and I reference it a lot. Her research shows that self-compassion doesn’t make us lazy but instead it makes us resilient.
When we meet our pain, our shame, and our imperfections with kindness, we reduce anxiety, improve our emotional regulation and boost motivation. When we understand that we are human, we treat ourselves with a softness to counterbalance the inner critics harsh tone.
Compassion doesn’t mean letting yourself off the hook. It means saying: “This is hard. And I’m doing my best.” It means recognising your humanity and learning to speak to yourself the way you would a child, a friend, or someone you deeply love.
Dialling It Down: You Don’t Have to Silence the Critic, Just Turn His or Her Volume Down
You don’t need to “get rid of” your inner critic, that’s not the goal.
But you can rewire the pattern.
You can soften it.
You can build new, kinder pathways in your brain.
That’s exactly why I created my Turn Down Your Inner Critic hypnosis.
I made this because I needed it myself and because so many of my clients… especially those navigating early sobriety, parenting, perimenopause, ADHD, or just life have needed it too. It’s for those who feel constantly hounded by the voice inside their head. That voice that uses ‘shoulds’ a lot. You should be doing this or that, you should have achieved this or that by now… ‘shoulding’ all over the place.
So this hypnosis is designed to:
Engage your parasympathetic nervous system and promote deep calm
Help you meet, externalise and soften the critic
Rewire negative loops through guided visualisation and repetition
Invite in a kinder, more compassionate inner voice
Reconnect you with your wise and grounded self
Thoughts aren’t facts, you don’t have to believe every thought you think and you certainly don’t have to carry every voice you inherited.
There’s another voice in there, too… one that is steady, calm, honest, and kind.
That voice deserves the microphone. That voice is your inner knowing.
Tips for Soothing Your Inner Critic in Daily Life
Alongside the hypnosis, here are some gentle ways to shift your inner dialogue:
1. Catch It, Don’t Criticise It
Notice when the critic shows up. Gently name it: “Ah, that’s the critical voice., there’s Mavis again.” No judgment. Just awareness.
2. Journal the Voice
Write out what the critic is saying and then write a compassionate response and the truth. This helps rewire the automatic narrative.
3. Practice Inner Child Work
Often, your critic is reacting to old wounds. Visualise the younger version of you and respond with care, not cruelty. You can head back to my article on Wednesday for more information about this.
4. Use Somatic Tools
The critic thrives in dysregulation so using breathwork, grounding, tapping, cold water and movement all help regulate your nervous system and create space from reactivity.
5. Set Boundaries
Notice which environments or social media accounts trigger your critic. Curate your feed and your surroundings with care - I will be writing more about boundary setting in this mini series of articles this month so look out for that one too.
6. Speak It Out Loud
When you say the critic’s words aloud, they often sound ridiculous. You can write them down to distance from them but externalising the voice in this way makes it easier to challenge.
Balance that inner critical voice with your inner wisdom
Your inner critic will say you’re not doing enough.
Your inner wisdom knows: healing takes time.
Your inner critic will say you’re being lazy.
Your inner knowing: it’s essential to rest.
Your critic will whisper, “You’ve failed again.”
Your compassion will say, “You’re learning.”
And if you’ve ever looked in the mirror and heard that cruel voice say something that made you shrink a little I want you to know: that voice is not the truth and you get to rewrite the script.
Want to Go Deeper?
Enjoy the hypnosis and if you need a session then reach out to me. There is so much more to going sober than putting down a wine glass… it’s an opportunity to really dig down and build your resilience as well. An opportunity to learn new skills and to begin to unpick some of the conditioning that we undoubtedly all pick up along the way in life.
You don’t have to go to war with your inner critic.
You just need to stop giving them the last word.
With love,
Louisa x
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Louisa is a therapist and clinical hypnotherapist based in the UK, specialising in helping grey area drinkers go sober and to be happy about it. She is an evidence-based practitioner which means the interventions she works with are based on the best available, current, valid and relevant scientific evidence.
She is an accredited practitioner with the GHR & GHSC and a Senior Member & Registered Supervisor with the ACCPH. The ACCPH is an accredited body of psychotherapists and counsellors in the UK and senior member status is only awarded to professionals with significant experience in clinical practice. After suffering with her mental health when she was younger, Louisa decided to qualify and train in this arena to initially help herself and over her subsequent years in practice she has supported hundreds of clients all over the world to change their lives for the better. Alongside her clinic work, she is currently undertaking a Masters in Psychology to further her expertise and also holds student membership of the British Psychological Society (BPS).
If you’d like to find out more head to www.louisaevans.com
Yes I have Mildred who can be royal pain in the arse 🤣🤣luckily I’m learning to look at her with real contempt 🤩🤩🤩🤩